In a scene in M. Night
Shyamalan’s movie “The Village” Kitty Walker confesses her feelings to Lucius
Hunt and ends up heartbroken because Lucius does not share her feelings, thus
providing an example of why it is normally best if a young woman does not approach
the man in this way first. (I love you, Lucius! [The Village])
In this situation it
would normally be better for her to have her father speak to the man on her
behalf, or in the absence of the father an older brother, family friend, etc. A
few reasons come to mind:
-This could spare her some embarrassment and hurt if
he does not share those feelings.
-If the man is a predator or abuser, confessing her
feelings to the man first would be offering him hope and opportunity. Having
her father speak to the man on her behalf would tend to imply that she respects
her elders, and that she communicates and gets along with her parents and would
tend to discourage a man with bad motives who might use or abuse her.
-If the man is a gentleman hoping for a companion and
commitment, confessing her feelings to the man first could arouse suspicions
about her motives. For example, while a teenage girl (like the character in the
movie) might be mature enough to be a good wife, many young women have bad
motives. (E.g., see a bachelor as opportunity to escape parental authority, see
opportunity for immorality, etc.) Having her father speak to the man on her
behalf would tend to imply that she has the right motives, that she respects
her elders, and that she communicates and gets along with her parents, and if
he is not already interested in her this could arouse his interest if he is a
gentleman.
-The man might be interested in her but reluctant to
express that because of uncertainty about her feelings, concerns about how her
parents might respond, etc.
Of
course, this does not mean or imply that she should not be friendly to men.
While we can make allowances for differences in culture and customs, Old
Testament stories teach truths and lessons that we do well to apply today; for
example, note that being friendly and hospitable to a newcomer is what made
Abraham’s servant decide that Rebekah would be a good wife for Isaac. (Genesis
24:10-27, 34-48) It is ironic when unmarried Christian women make a habit of
being unfriendly, indifferent, or even rude to Christian gentlemen and then
complain about it being difficult to find or attract a Christian man.