Premarital Sex

 

It was not too long ago that premarital sex was universally understood to be immoral according to the Bible, but now many who understand that adultery is a sin question if the Bible prohibits sexual relations between unmarried people. Because of modern social and cultural trends many today fail to realise that most Bible prohibitions against sexual immorality refer to adultery because in Bible times sexual immorality usually involved a woman who was married or betrothed to another; in Bible times Israelite women usually married in their early teens and then in modern times it became increasingly common for women to delay marriage longer than what was once considered normal. 

The Bible does not treat sex as sinful or a necessary evil; sex is created by God and is both sacred and beautiful, which is the reason for moral standards. (Genesis 2:24; Ruth 4:13; Proverbs 5:18-21; Song of Solomon 1:13; 5:4; 7:6-8; I Corinthians 7:2-5; Hebrews 13:4; etc.) Genesis 2:24 establishes the principle that marriage is sacred and sexual relations are to be restricted to marriage, and this principle is also restated in the New Testament. Hebrews 13:4 clarifies this even further by using two terms for immorality, one for sexual relations with someone other than one's spouse (Moichos, adultery) and a term (Porneia, fornication) that refers to any sexual union outside of marriage, to make it clear that all of this is condemned. Also consider Ephesians 5:1-3; do you think premarital sex could at least be a hint of sexual immorality? Think about it.

Does The Song of Solomon condone premarital sex? Some attempt to use the Song of Solomon to justify premarital sex, ignoring the very text to which they refer. Note that amid poetic language about a relationship that leads to a honeymoon the author charges us not to excite love and passions until the time is ripe. (Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4) The whole relationship takes place within the context of community approval and rejoicing, that is, marriage. Think about it: How likely is it that the community, especially your friends, family, and church, would celebrate your secret illicit sexual liaisons and the possibility of unwed pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, destroyed trusts, ruined relationships, etc.? On the other hand, a married couple's sex life is ultimately a social benefit (commitment, responsibility, children, etc.). The Song of Solomon is a portrayal of sex within the proper context.

What about illicit cohabitation? The Bible does not say or imply that a mere sexual relationship constitutes a marriage, and it does not justify cohabitation without marriage. I Corinthians 6:16 is merely pointing out that sexual intercourse is always significant and there is really no such thing as casual sex. While the Bible does not give an explicit description of a marriage ceremony, marriages and divorces have always required a formal and legal commitment. In Bible times marriages, divorces, and births were publicly made known and recorded in the official records of the community, which is why we have an accurate genealogy of Jesus Christ. (Consider Romans 13:1) Both Testaments teach that a couple is to already be married before cohabitation. (Genesis 2:24; Deuteronomy 22:13; Ephesians 5:31; consider John 4:16-18)

It is extremely ironic when feminists condone or even encourage illicit cohabitation. How is this ironic? Instead of making the man prove he is worthy of the woman, illicit cohabitation usually puts the man in the driver’s seat of the relationship by giving him intimate female companionship and sexual relations without the commitment of marriage while making the woman settle for a sexual relationship based on the freedom to leave and a hope of a commitment if she proves herself worthy of a man that already receives the benefits of marriage.

Should an unmarried couple fornicate in preparation for marriage? A couple should be sexually intimate and practice regularly with each other after the wedding, but premarital sex normally leads to selfishness, disrespect, and distrust after a couple marries. While sex is important, sex is a small part of marriage; it is the everyday getting along with each other that ultimately makes or breaks a marriage.

What if a woman needs to fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry? Today it is often more difficult to persuade men to marry because they do not have to stop at the altar on the way to the bedroom. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? If it is necessary for a woman to fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry then how does she plan to keep him during times of sickness or separation (business trips, military service, etc.)? If a woman must fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry, she is better off without him. (Proverbs 14:9; 28:6)

Should an unmarried man fornicate with his girlfriend before deciding whether to marry her to see if there is sexual compatibility or if the woman is frigid? Modesty and chastity normally indicate good character and a restrained libido in a woman but using sex to exploit or as a means to an end (getting her way, keeping her boyfriend, persuading a man to marry, etc.) easily leads to a woman using sex to exploit or torment her husband when she is married and toying with other men. (Proverbs 12:4; 31:10-12)

Is premarital sex safe if you use a condom? Condoms have a high failure rate, and the only safe sex is abstinence or a monogamous relationship.

Is it immoral for an unmarried couple to engage in oral or anal sex? Yes. (It is sad that a former US President increased the popularity of the myth that this is acceptable by using this to excuse his adultery.) Bible descriptions or definitions of sexual immorality describe sexual immorality as sexual intimacy with someone with whom one is not married without specifying the method used.

Does the Bible give men license to fornicate? Some wrongly assume that the importance placed on feminine virtue in Scripture means that sexual morality is not required of men. (Consider Genesis 2:24; Exodus 22:16-17; Leviticus 20:10; Deuteronomy 22:23, 24, 28, 29; Proverbs 5:15-21; I Timothy 5:2; Hebrews 13:4; etc.) Why did the Bible attach so much importance to feminine virtue and an unmarried woman's virginity? In the Bible an unmarried woman's virginity was especially valued and respected because the most binding and sacred covenants were those that were sealed or confirmed by the shedding of blood, and marriage is illustrative of Jehovah's union with the Jewish nation under the Law Covenant and Christ's union with His Church in the New Covenant. (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 3:14; Hosea 2:19-20; Ephesians 5:23-32; also, Exodus 24:3-8; Hebrews 9:18-20; 12:24) (Note also that an important reason it was so offensive for a woman to marry under the false pretense of virginity was that among the ancient heathens it was common to worship false gods and goddesses by practicing prostitution, and in the heathen cultures a girl was expected to lose her virginity through temple prostitution as an act of worship to pagan deities. -Deuteronomy 22:13-21)

Christians, even dedicated Christians, are not immune to sexual immorality. The Bible warns Christians about fornication and other sins because Christians are not immune to sexual immorality or incapable of sin. (I Corinthians 6:18; II Corinthians 12:21; I John 1:8-2:2) This does not mean we must adopt an anti-everything mindset or condemn all secular amusements, as some insist, but there is need for caution and discernment. For example, some unmarried couples use the need to "talk" as an excuse to spend time alone together in a bedroom with the door closed or to spend time alone in a car parked in a secluded area in the middle of the night, even though a private conversation is possible in a restaurant and other settings that are not conducive to immorality. (The irony is that if they really could spend a lot of time alone in those situations without doing anything wrong this might be an indication that they do not have a mutual attraction.) In many cases the presence of a chaperone is a wise safeguard. It is self-delusional and morally dangerous to assume that morally compromising situations are harmless. (Isaiah 42:19; Jeremiah 17:9; Romans 13:14; I Thessalonians 5:22)

It is ironic that many professed Christians insist that money and sex are two subjects that Christians must never talk about, and then insist that Christians should stick to the Bible and a church must proclaim the whole truth of God; makes one wonder if such people have ever opened a Bible, as the Bible says a lot about both money and sex. Money and sex are two things everyone wants but most are unwilling to admit to problems or desires in those areas, and those who need help or instruction in these areas are often reluctant to ask or unaware that they need help, which is why there is a need for teaching on these subjects.

Perhaps you are reading this and struggling with guilt because you have been sexually immoral. You cannot change the past, but no matter where you have been or what you have done God will forgive you if you repent and He always wants to forgive more than we want to be forgiven. (Psalm 103:10-17)

 

Designed for Desire - God's Design for Sexuality