Gossip

“Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.” (Psalm 34:13)

                    “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.” (Proverbs 6:16-19)

“He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace. A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter..” (Proverbs 11:12-13)

“A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.” (Proverbs 16:28)

“He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.” (Proverbs 20:19)

“Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.” (Proverbs 26:20)

“If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.” (James 1:26)

I remember when I was in kindergarten the teacher showed the class a game called Gossip. She had everyone sit in a circle. She would whisper something to a student, who would then whisper what he heard to the right ear of the student to his left, and subsequently each student did likewise. Whenever the rumor got around to the last student, he told the class what he heard, and it was completely different from what the first student was told. The same thing happens with real world gossip; even if an element of truth remains, the story changes as it gets passed around. Sometimes a rumor starts with someone telling a lie, sometimes a rumor starts with someone betraying a confidence, and very often a rumor starts when someone overhears a conversation, assumes they got the whole story, and believes others need to hear the story.

Here's one way to deal with gossipers: Years ago, at the workplace one of the local gossipers approached me and said she heard that I had been fornicating with a thirteen-year-old girl. I tried to hand her my cell phone and told her to call the police, and she wondered why. I told her that if she believes the rumor is true then reporting me to the police would make a lot more sense than running her mouth to people that cannot legally do anything about it except run their mouths. She stayed away from me for a long time.

Let me share another experience from over thirty years ago: I moved from Carrollton, Georgia, to Bremen, Georgia, and moved my letter from a church in Carrollton to a church in Bremen. At the new church I became friends with an old preacher who was also a barber. He was a good friend, but he was not careful to get details right before playing matchmaker. At my new church there was a young lady who attended with her mother and attended the old church with her dad; her parents were divorced. While getting a haircut I mentioned that I knew that girl's dad and thought highly of him, and he asked if I ever thought of dating that girl. I told him I might pursue her if we are both still single when she is older, and he said that should not matter. I told him I had the impression that a lot of modern evangelicals think it's wrong for teenage girls to date and marry or think an age gap of a few years is a big deal, and I would not want to offend her parents. He assured me that her parents would not object and told me she was older than I thought she was (she wasn't). I had other interests, but he would tell me that girl we discussed at the barber shop would be a better choice, and eventually I agreed with him. He suggested that I write her a letter and gave me her address. After mailing the letter I had opportunity to talk with her at the skating rink in Carrollton that night. I told her I liked her, and she told me she had a boyfriend, and I thought that was the end of the story until I received a threatening letter from her dad, which did not include a forwarding address or phone number. For years I occasionally heard stories from the grapevine about me and what "happened." I am not bitter about this, but it is a bit saddening to think of how misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and loss of friendships can often be avoided through peaceful discussion, but all too many Christians are unwilling to take that step.

Here are a few questions you should ask someone sharing gossip with you (and not necessarily in this order): Do you KNOW this to be true? Have you talked about this with the person you are talking about? Why are you sharing this with me?