It was not too long ago that premarital sex was universally understood to be immoral according to the Bible, but now many who understand that adultery is a sin question if the Bible prohibits sexual relations between unmarried people. Because of modern social and cultural trends many today fail to realise that most Bible prohibitions against sexual immorality refer to adultery because in Bible times sexual immorality usually involved a woman who was married or betrothed to another; in Bible times Israelite women usually married in their early teens and then in modern times it became increasingly common for women to delay marriage longer than what was once considered normal.
The Bible does not treat sex as sinful or
a necessary evil; sex is created by God and is both sacred and beautiful, which
is the reason for moral standards. (Genesis 2:24; Ruth 4:13; Proverbs 5:18-21;
Song of Solomon 1:13; 5:4; 7:6-8; I Corinthians 7:2-5; Hebrews 13:4; etc.)
Genesis 2:24 establishes the principle that marriage is sacred and sexual
relations are to be restricted to marriage, and this principle is also restated
in the New Testament. Hebrews 13:4 clarifies this even further by using two
terms for immorality, one for sexual relations with someone other than one's
spouse (Moichos, adultery) and a term (Porneia, fornication) that refers to any
sexual union outside of marriage, to make it clear that all of this is
condemned. Also consider Ephesians 5:1-3; do you think premarital sex could at
least be a hint of sexual immorality? Think about it.
Does The Song of Solomon
condone premarital sex? Some attempt to use the Song of Solomon to justify
premarital sex, ignoring the very text to which they refer. Note that amid
poetic language about a relationship that leads to a honeymoon the author
charges us not to excite love and passions until the time is ripe. (Song of
Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 8:4) The whole relationship takes place within the context of
community approval and rejoicing, that is, marriage. Think about it: How likely
is it that the community, especially your friends, family, and church, would
celebrate your secret illicit sexual liaisons and the possibility of unwed
pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, destroyed trusts, ruined
relationships, etc.? On the other hand, a married couple's sex life is
ultimately a social benefit (commitment, responsibility, children, etc.). The
Song of Solomon is a portrayal of sex within the proper context.
What about illicit
cohabitation? The Bible does not say or imply that a mere sexual relationship
constitutes a marriage, and it does not justify cohabitation without marriage.
I Corinthians 6:16 is merely pointing out that sexual intercourse is always
significant and there is really no such thing as casual sex. While the Bible
does not give an explicit description of a marriage ceremony, marriages and
divorces have always required a formal and legal commitment. In Bible times
marriages, divorces, and births were publicly made known and recorded in the
official records of the community, which is why we have an accurate genealogy
of Jesus Christ. (Consider Romans 13:1) Both Testaments teach that a couple is
to already be married before cohabitation. (Genesis 2:24; Deuteronomy 22:13;
Ephesians 5:31; consider John 4:16-18)
It is extremely ironic
when feminists condone or even encourage illicit cohabitation. How is this
ironic? Instead of making the man prove he is worthy of the woman, illicit
cohabitation usually puts the man in the driver’s seat of the relationship by
giving him intimate female companionship and sexual relations without the
commitment of marriage while making the woman settle for a sexual relationship
based on the freedom to leave and a hope of a commitment if she proves herself
worthy of a man that already receives the benefits of marriage.
Should an unmarried
couple fornicate in preparation for marriage? A couple should be sexually
intimate and practice regularly with each other after the wedding, but
premarital sex normally leads to selfishness, disrespect, and distrust after a
couple marries. While sex is important, sex is a small part of marriage; it is
the everyday getting along with each other that ultimately makes or breaks a
marriage.
What if a woman needs to
fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry? Today it is often
more difficult to persuade men to marry because they do not have to stop at the
altar on the way to the bedroom. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for
free? If it is necessary for a woman to fornicate to keep her boyfriend or
persuade him to marry then how does she plan to keep him during times of
sickness or separation (business trips, military service, etc.)? If a woman
must fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry, she is better
off without him. (Proverbs 14:9; 28:6)
Should an unmarried man
fornicate with his girlfriend before deciding whether to marry her to see if
there is sexual compatibility or if the woman is frigid? Modesty and chastity
normally indicate good character and a restrained libido in a woman but using
sex to exploit or as a means to an end (getting her way, keeping her boyfriend,
persuading a man to marry, etc.) easily leads to a woman using sex to exploit
or torment her husband when she is married and toying with other men. (Proverbs
12:4; 31:10-12)
Is premarital sex safe if
you use a condom? Condoms have a high failure rate, and the only safe sex is
abstinence or a monogamous relationship.
Is it immoral for an
unmarried couple to engage in oral or anal sex? Yes. (It is sad that a former
US President increased the popularity of the myth that this is acceptable by
using this to excuse his adultery.) Bible descriptions or definitions of sexual
immorality describe sexual immorality as sexual intimacy with someone with whom
one is not married without specifying the method used.
Does the Bible give men
license to fornicate? Some wrongly assume that the importance placed on
feminine virtue in Scripture means that sexual morality is not required of men.
(Consider Genesis 2:24; Exodus 22:16-17; Leviticus 20:10; Deuteronomy 22:23,
24, 28, 29; Proverbs 5:15-21; I Timothy 5:2; Hebrews 13:4; etc.) Why did the
Bible attach so much importance to feminine virtue and an unmarried woman's
virginity? In the Bible an unmarried woman's virginity was especially valued
and respected because the most binding and sacred covenants were those that
were sealed or confirmed by the shedding of blood, and marriage is illustrative
of Jehovah's union with the Jewish nation under the Law Covenant and Christ's
union with His Church in the New Covenant. (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 3:14; Hosea
2:19-20; Ephesians 5:23-32; also, Exodus 24:3-8; Hebrews 9:18-20; 12:24) (Note
also that an important reason it was so offensive for a woman to marry under
the false pretense of virginity was that among the ancient heathens it was
common to worship false gods and goddesses by practicing prostitution, and in
the heathen cultures a girl was expected to lose her virginity through temple
prostitution as an act of worship to pagan deities. -Deuteronomy 22:13-21)
Christians, even
dedicated Christians, are not immune to sexual immorality. The Bible warns
Christians about fornication and other sins because Christians are not immune
to sexual immorality or incapable of sin. (I Corinthians 6:18; II Corinthians
12:21; I John 1:8-2:2) This does not mean we must adopt an anti-everything
mindset or condemn all secular amusements, as some insist, but there is need
for caution and discernment. For example, some unmarried couples use the need
to "talk" as an excuse to spend time alone together in a bedroom with
the door closed or to spend time alone in a car parked in a secluded area in
the middle of the night, even though a private conversation is possible in a
restaurant and other settings that are not conducive to immorality. (The irony
is that if they really could spend a lot of time alone in those situations
without doing anything wrong this might be an indication that they do not have
a mutual attraction.) In many cases the presence of a chaperone is a wise safeguard.
It is self-delusional and morally dangerous to assume that morally compromising
situations are harmless. (Isaiah 42:19; Jeremiah 17:9; Romans 13:14; I
Thessalonians 5:22)
It is ironic that many
professed Christians insist that money and sex are two subjects that Christians
must never talk about, and then insist that Christians should stick to the
Bible and a church must proclaim the whole truth of God; makes one wonder if
such people have ever opened a Bible, as the Bible says a lot about both money
and sex. Money and sex are two things everyone wants but most are unwilling to
admit to problems or desires in those areas, and those who need help or
instruction in these areas are often reluctant to ask or unaware that they need
help, which is why there is a need for teaching on these subjects.
Perhaps you are reading
this and struggling with guilt because you have been sexually immoral. You
cannot change the past, but no matter where you have been or what you have done
God will forgive you if you repent and He always wants to forgive more than we
want to be forgiven. (Psalm 103:10-17)
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