A NEED FOR CAUTION

 

In a scene in M. Night Shyamalan’s movie “The Village” Kitty Walker confesses her feelings to Lucius Hunt and ends up heartbroken because Lucius does not share her feelings, thus providing an example of why it is normally best if a young woman does not approach the man in this way first. (I love you, Lucius! [The Village])

In this situation it would normally be better for her to have her father speak to the man on her behalf, or in the absence of the father an older brother, family friend, etc. A few reasons come to mind:

-This could spare her some embarrassment and hurt if he does not share those feelings.

-If the man is a predator or abuser, confessing her feelings to the man first would be offering him hope and opportunity. Having her father speak to the man on her behalf would tend to imply that she respects her elders, and that she communicates and gets along with her parents and would tend to discourage a man with bad motives who might use or abuse her.

-If the man is a gentleman hoping for a companion and commitment, confessing her feelings to the man first could arouse suspicions about her motives. For example, while a teenage girl (like the character in the movie) might be mature enough to be a good wife, many young women have bad motives. (E.g., see a bachelor as opportunity to escape parental authority, see opportunity for immorality, etc.) Having her father speak to the man on her behalf would tend to imply that she has the right motives, that she respects her elders, and that she communicates and gets along with her parents, and if he is not already interested in her this could arouse his interest if he is a gentleman.

-The man might be interested in her but reluctant to express that because of uncertainty about her feelings, concerns about how her parents might respond, etc.

         Of course, this does not mean or imply that she should not be friendly to men. While we can make allowances for differences in culture and customs, Old Testament stories teach truths and lessons that we do well to apply today; for example, note that being friendly and hospitable to a newcomer is what made Abraham’s servant decide that Rebekah would be a good wife for Isaac. (Genesis 24:10-27, 34-48) It is ironic when unmarried Christian women make a habit of being unfriendly, indifferent, or even rude to Christian gentlemen and then complain about it being difficult to find or attract a Christian man.