ILLICIT COHABITATION

It is extremely ironic when feminists condone or even encourage illicit cohabitation. How is this ironic? Instead of making the man prove he is worthy of the woman, illicit cohabitation usually puts the man in the driver’s seat of the relationship by giving him intimate female companionship and sexual relations without the commitment of marriage while making the woman settle for a sexual relationship based on the freedom to leave and a hope of a commitment if she proves herself worthy of a man that already receives the benefits of marriage.

Should an unmarried couple fornicate in preparation for marriage? A couple should be sexually intimate after the wedding, but premarital sex normally leads to selfishness, disrespect, and distrust after a couple marries. While sex is important, sex is a small part of marriage; it is the everyday getting along with each other that ultimately makes or breaks a marriage.

A popular philosophy in the world is that a couple should live together before deciding whether to marry to determine if they are compatible. But couples that live together before marrying usually end up divorced. Ironically, various secular studies of marriage concluded that the differences usually associated with incompatibility are not problems for married couples that share the same religious and moral values.

What if a woman needs to fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry? Today it is often more difficult to persuade men to marry because they do not have to stop at the altar on the way to the bedroom. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? If it is necessary for a woman to fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry then how does she plan to keep him during times of sickness or separation (business trips, military service, etc.)? If a woman must fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry, she is better off without him. (Proverbs 14:9; 28:6)

Should an unmarried man fornicate with his girlfriend before deciding whether to marry her to see if there is sexual compatibility or if the woman is frigid? Modesty and chastity normally indicate good character and a restrained libido in a woman but using sex to exploit or as a means to an end (getting her way, keeping her boyfriend, persuading a man to marry, etc.) easily leads to a woman using sex to exploit or torment her husband when she is married and toying with other men. (Proverbs 12:4; 31:10-12)

What about the argument that the sexual union turns illicit cohabitation into marriage? The Bible does not say or imply that a mere sexual relationship constitutes a marriage, and it does not justify cohabitation without marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:16 is merely pointing out that sexual intercourse is always significant and there is no such thing as casual sex. The wording of Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5 makes it clear that there is to be a sexual union AFTER the two are joined together in wedlock. Though the Samaritan woman Christ met at the well had been married five times, Christ made it clear that she was not married to the man she lived with. (John 4:16-18) While the Bible does not give an explicit description of a marriage ceremony, marriages and divorces have always required a formal and legal commitment. In Bible times marriages, divorces, and births were publicly made known and recorded in the official records of the community, which is why we have an accurate genealogy of Jesus Christ. Romans 13:1 does not say to be subject unto the higher powers except when it comes to registering marriages and divorces, and both Testaments teach that a couple is to already be married before cohabitation. (Genesis 2:24; Deuteronomy 22:13; Ephesians 5:31)

Illicit cohabitation is fornication, and a church should not tolerate this among its members. Fornicators should not be accepted into church membership until they repent and quit fornication, which includes illicit cohabitation. Church members guilty of illicit cohabitation should be advised by church leaders/elders to repent and make acknowledgement and immediately either get married or start living separately. Refusal to repent and comply with this counsel is a matter for church discipline. (1 Corinthians 5:9-13; yes, Christians are obliged to judge: John 7:24; 1 Corinthians 2:15-16; Ephesians 5:11; 1 Peter 4:17; etc.)

Perhaps you are reading this and struggling with guilt because you have been sexually immoral. You cannot change the past, but no matter where you have been or what you have done God will forgive you if you repent and He always wants to forgive more than we want to be forgiven. (Psalm 103:10-17)