It is extremely ironic
when feminists condone or even encourage illicit cohabitation. How is this
ironic? Instead of making the man prove he is worthy of the woman, illicit
cohabitation usually puts the man in the driver’s seat of the relationship by
giving him intimate female companionship and sexual relations without the
commitment of marriage while making the woman settle for a sexual relationship
based on the freedom to leave and a hope of a commitment if she proves herself
worthy of a man that already receives the benefits of marriage.
Should an unmarried
couple fornicate in preparation for marriage? A couple should be sexually
intimate after the wedding, but premarital sex normally leads to selfishness,
disrespect, and distrust after a couple marries. While sex is important, sex is
a small part of marriage; it is the everyday getting along with each other that
ultimately makes or breaks a marriage.
A popular philosophy in
the world is that a couple should live together before deciding whether to
marry to determine if they are compatible. But couples that live together
before marrying usually end up divorced. Ironically, various secular studies of
marriage concluded that the differences usually associated with incompatibility
are not problems for married couples that share the same religious and moral
values.
What if a woman needs to
fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry? Today it is often
more difficult to persuade men to marry because they do not have to stop at the
altar on the way to the bedroom. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for
free? If it is necessary for a woman to fornicate to keep her boyfriend or
persuade him to marry then how does she plan to keep him during times of
sickness or separation (business trips, military service, etc.)? If a woman
must fornicate to keep her boyfriend or persuade him to marry, she is better
off without him. (Proverbs 14:9; 28:6)
Should an unmarried man
fornicate with his girlfriend before deciding whether to marry her to see if
there is sexual compatibility or if the woman is frigid? Modesty and chastity
normally indicate good character and a restrained libido in a woman but using
sex to exploit or as a means to an end (getting her way, keeping her boyfriend,
persuading a man to marry, etc.) easily leads to a woman using sex to exploit
or torment her husband when she is married and toying with other men. (Proverbs
12:4; 31:10-12)
What about the argument
that the sexual union turns illicit cohabitation into marriage? The Bible does
not say or imply that a mere sexual relationship constitutes a marriage, and it
does not justify cohabitation without marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:16 is merely
pointing out that sexual intercourse is always significant and there is no such
thing as casual sex. The wording of Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19:5 makes it
clear that there is to be a sexual union AFTER the two are joined together in
wedlock. Though the Samaritan woman Christ met at the well had been married
five times, Christ made it clear that she was not married to the man she lived
with. (John 4:16-18) While the Bible does not give an explicit description of a
marriage ceremony, marriages and divorces have always required a formal and
legal commitment. In Bible times marriages, divorces, and births were publicly
made known and recorded in the official records of the community, which is why
we have an accurate genealogy of Jesus Christ. Romans 13:1 does not say to be
subject unto the higher powers except when it comes to registering marriages
and divorces, and both Testaments teach that a couple is to already be married
before cohabitation. (Genesis 2:24; Deuteronomy 22:13; Ephesians 5:31)
Illicit cohabitation is
fornication, and a church should not tolerate this among its members.
Fornicators should not be accepted into church membership until they repent and
quit fornication, which includes illicit cohabitation. Church members guilty of
illicit cohabitation should be advised by church leaders/elders to repent and
make acknowledgement and immediately either get married or start living
separately. Refusal to repent and comply with this counsel is a matter for
church discipline. (1 Corinthians 5:9-13; yes, Christians are obliged to judge:
John 7:24; 1 Corinthians 2:15-16; Ephesians 5:11; 1 Peter 4:17; etc.)
Perhaps you are reading
this and struggling with guilt because you have been sexually immoral. You
cannot change the past, but no matter where you have been or what you have done
God will forgive you if you repent and He always wants to forgive more than we
want to be forgiven. (Psalm 103:10-17)
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