MODERN DATING

 

          (I do not know if the couple in the picture is married, but I chose the picture because they are obviously socializing or fellowshipping, which should be the purpose of dating/courtship.)

          Here are a few reasons many single men have given up on dating: Many women have come to see a dinner date as something other than an opportunity for unmarried people to socialize and get acquainted (as a form of courtship), and many women see this as a means of using men to get free meals. For some reason many women are offended over the offer of a dinner date or coffee date from any man they do not find attractive, interesting, or appealing, and are quick to label a man as a creep or a predator, while at the same time most men do not even pretend to be able to read minds.

          Many men assume that buying a woman a meal or otherwise spending money on her entitles him to fornication, and many women assume that this is characteristic of all men and behave accordingly. This makes caution well-advised.

          Think about this: When courtship normally lasted one to six months before marrying and it was all about socializing to get acquainted with a view towards the possibility of marriage, because it was normal to seek a friendship that would develop into a committed and meaningful relationship, divorce was unusual. Now courtship normally lasts three years or more before marrying and is all about having a good time, and most marriages end in divorce.

          Regardless of how dedicated or spiritual you are, you are still capable of bad decisions, and you can be overcome by lust if you are not careful. Here are a few points to remember:

·        Concerned family and friends are likely to spot red flags that you might miss altogether.

·        Look for someone who shares the same religious and moral values. Remember, you may change someone’s location or name, but you cannot change what someone is inside; only God can do that. If dating and marrying an unbeliever was effective evangelism the Bible would not warn against unequal yoking. (Psalm 119:63; Amos 3:3; 1 Corinthians 15:33; 2 Corinthians 6:15-17)

·        Having a chaperone or double dating is often a good idea, and for private conversation a public place such as restaurant, the zoo, etc., is much preferable to seclusion (e.g., a room with the door closed, a car parked in a secluded spot, etc.).

·        Do not date (or keep dating) anyone that does not respect their elders (parents, pastor, etc.).

·        Avoid situations that would make it easy to give in to temptation, and do not date (or keep dating) someone that says or hints that celibacy till marriage is not important. (Proverbs 4:14-15; Romans 13:14; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 15:33)

·        Both petting and fornication are destructive to a potential marriage. For one thing, sexual intimacy causes the body and brain to release hormones and neurotransmitters that make one look at one’s partner through rose-coloured glasses, which is good for a married couple, but this makes an unmarried person ignore red flags.

·        Never assume that you are immune to temptation. (1 Corinthians 10:12-13)

·        Do not neglect regular prayer, personal Bible study, or church attendance. (Psalm 119:11, 105; Proverbs 2:3-16; 3:5-7; Hebrews 10:24-25)